How to Write a Legacy Letter to Your Children and Grandchildren

What a legacy letter is

A legacy letter is the personal, one-reader version of an ethical will. Where an ethical will often speaks to the whole family about values, a letter to my children or a letter to grandchildren is addressed to particular people and says what you want each of them to hear from you.

It is not a legal document and it does not deal with property. It can be one page. Many of the letters families treasure most are short, plain and a little untidy, because that is how the person actually talked.

How to start without a blank page

Pick one reader. “My family” is too broad to write to. “My granddaughter Ellie” is not.
Start with a story, not a lesson. Tell them something that happened. The lesson usually turns up in the third paragraph on its own.
Talk before you write. Say the answer to a prompt out loud, or to someone else, then write down what you said. Spoken sentences are warmer than written ones.
Write it over several sittings. A paragraph a week is plenty.
Date it and sign it. Readers years from now will want to know when you wrote it.

Prompts by who it is for

To your children

What were you like at their age, and what did you not yet know?
What do you remember about the day each of them was born?
What have they taught you?
What are you proud of in them that has nothing to do with achievement?
What do you hope they keep doing after you are no longer around to nag?

To your grandchildren

Where did the family come from, and how did it get here?
What was ordinary life like when you were their age?
Who in the family would they have liked, and why?
What is one piece of advice you would give them at eighteen, and one at forty?
What do you hope they will remember about you?

To a spouse or partner

What did you notice first about them?
What is a day together you would gladly live again?
What have they made possible for you?
What do you want them to hear from you plainly, in case you have not said it enough?

An example

This is an illustrative example written for this page. It is not from a real person.

Dear Sam, you asked me once why I still keep the old tackle box in the garage. Your great-grandfather gave it to me the summer I was twelve, the year we fished the river every Saturday and caught almost nothing. I did not understand then that the fish were never the point. He wanted an excuse to spend the morning with me.
So here is my advice, for whatever it is worth. Find the people you want to spend the morning with, and invent excuses. Love, Grandpa.

Giving it and keeping it

Some people hand the letter over on a birthday, a graduation or a wedding. Others keep it with their important papers to be read later. Either way, make more than one copy. Give one to the person it is written to, and keep one somewhere the rest of the family can find it.

If you write several letters, keep them together with the stories they refer to. A letter that mentions “the summer at the lake” means far more to a reader who can also read about the summer at the lake.

A short video to go with it

A letter keeps your words. A short video keeps your voice and your face: a birthday wish, a piece of advice, the way you say a grandchild’s name.

In MyLifeMemoir, Rosie, an AI interviewer, asks you about your life out loud, and your spoken answers become the written chapters of a book. After some topics she may invite you to record a short video for the family, which is kept alongside the chapters. The Messages to the Family part of the final chapter asks you to choose someone and speak to them directly, which is a legacy letter by another name.

Your words, read back to you first

Nothing goes into the book until you have read it and approved it, and you can change any word. See how it works.

Keep reading

Find the words by saying them first.

Rosie asks the questions. Your answers are written down for you.

Try it free Start Free Trial

One question with Rosie. No account needed.

$159 a year after a 30-day free trial. No credit card to start.